I promised Ching that I will submit an entry for the Pinoyscrapbookers' January challenge. The challenge was to create a layout of items you treasure and the memories they bring. I was meaning to feature some items I “inherited” from my parents, but the mere thought of taking them out of my baul made me all choked up. Some other time maybe, when I have fully dealt with my issues…
This is the only piece of paper (literally) from college that I kept. I had it photocopied on acetate (and made it my background, hence the sheen on the photo). I placed the actual paper inside the pocket (see arrow), it is a submission for my Philippine Literature subject discussing my view of death. Naturally since it was a literature subject, we were given the freehand on how to discuss it (please see my P.S. note below for the contents of the paper because it’s rather long - - I thought I might as well share it, just to explain my professor’s remarks also found below).
Anyway, for this LO, I used BearyBox's Sketch#10 (was not able to upload my entry in their gallery though, I forgot about the deadline!!!):
Here's my LO:
The last project in my Philippine Literature subject was to stage an actual play in class - - I cannot recall the title of the play but I remember that the role assigned to me was that of a child prostitute. I’d (secretly) longed to act, but the idea daunted me. I never joined any dramatic arts group in school (even though I wanted to) as I prioritized the “intellectual” clubs.
Anyway, it was my last shot - - and I gave it my all. My group did not attend class after our performance, we were just so happy that it was over. It was only during the class card distribution (and return of a previously submitted paper) that I learned of my professor ‘s (whose name I have already forgotten) feedback.
This is the only piece of paper from college that I kept. It has been more than 10 years now, yet every time I read this I can’t help but smile and be reminded of the drama queen in me.
Materials: DCWV cardstocks, K&Co Papers, Xerox/acetate, woman chipboard cutout, acrylic paints, sakura pens, Uniball signo journaling pen, prima flowers, MM brads, chipboard labels (unknown), cloth flower, MM rub-ons (expressions), MM tiny alphas (pink ledger), MR sheer journal, AC Thickers (Jewelry Box, painted with pink acrylic paint, topped with Glossy Accents), Colorbox inkpads for distressing.
Thanks for looking.
P.S. As promised, here’s what’s written on the paper:
You might be wondering why I have to take the trouble of writing to you. You see, so many things have happened, are happening and will be happening… and I feel it’s the right time for us to renew and restore what is between us. There’s not much time left….
Remember the time when your Papa left to go to heaven? You were so young then. I remember you would ask me so many questions: “Where did Papa go? Did God order him to go to heaven? Why, Mama? When he’ll be coming back? Why are you crying, Mama?” I cannot find the answers that would satisfy your growing impatience. I was so hurt and scared then - - hurt for I cannot find the answers that would satisfy myself either; scared for reality hit me that I would have to face life alone… the thought of you being hurt at such a young age scared and hurt me even more. You were such a baby then, babies are not supposed to be exposed to this….
And so I made up stories about the whereabouts of Papa. “Papa went to heaven. God made him go there so he’ll be one of his angels. Papa has to become an angel first so that God can send him to the sky to become the brightest star that you can find at night. And this star, it will fall when the right time comes… you just have to be on guard so you can catch it and never let it go… that’s the time when Papa will be back…” I thought it would pass, I thought I was protecting you but I was wrong.
Remember when you were in fifth grade and you came home crying angrily? I asked why and knew that my make-believe was over. I thought you’ll never find out but you did. You found out that the brightest star was not Papa and that was Sirius and that Papa could not be there because that star which is made up of only hydrogen, oxygen, and nitrogen and perhaps iron, calcium, and other elements is more than three times the size of our sun and Papa did not go to heaven but went six feet below the ground and that he will not be coming back….
Then I realized the stupidity I’ve done. I sprung death in depriving you of death. I thought I could prevent Papa’s death by making you believe he is just there, I ended up with death between the two of us. You see, Son, death is a reality that is inevitable, it is something that everybody would succumb to, whether they like it or not. It’s a trap that leaves you with the choice between to accept or not to accept... but saying yes to death or accepting it is painful, especially if the one to die is the person you love most….
And that is what happened. When Papa died, Mama cannot accept it. I love your Papa very much. The make-believe served to nourish the hurt I kept ever since. The time now comes that I realize what I did was unfair to you….
You might be wondering why I have to take the trouble of writing to you. I’m dying, Son… six months from now. That is not much time left. I don’t want to die with this hurt within me, I don’t want to die without fully accepting what have happened, what is happening, and what will be happening. I don’t want to die without making it up to the one who is all I have….
I love you, Son. I love you very much. I know someday you’ll understand what Mama has gone through and why Mama did make-believe. Remember the nights we held close as we waited for the brightest star to fall? How I want to hold you close again… just give me the chance to bring back the love we have for each other. Mama loves you very much. I know there’s still a lot of things we need to discuss….
Bring yourself home to me, Son. I’ll be waiting for you.